Cookery From Across The Pond

If I was talking to you right now instead of writing to you, you would think me rude, crass, manner-less; a git. That is because I am eating a plate-full of ‘Bubble n’ Squeak’. Yeah. That’s right - ‘Bubble n’ Squeak’. I'm typing with my mouth full. When I was married to Paul, the original Brit, way back in another era, I learned how to make this. My understanding of Bubble and Squeak is that it’s a delicious mix of leftovers. But it has to be just the right leftovers, and I don’t always have that right combination. Well, howdy, I had the proper combination today. Ohh, mghy, thish izh delischoush.

Yesterday was March 17th, St Patrick’s Day. As does any Good American, I wanted to celebrate this important holiday in proper fashion. But no green beer for me, noohoohoo. I decided to cook up an Irish dinner of corned beef and cabbage. Only I didn’t know anything about how to do this, so of course I Googled it. Funnily enough, I came across a great article (http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/2Kitch/aCBeefCabge.html) that said the Irish never did have this as a staple meal. Apparently they still don’t. Some pubs in Ireland do serve it, but it is for the tourists. According to the above mentioned article, one person said, “Pints. I eat pints.” Sounds pretty Irish to me.

Well, I wanted this to be authentic, so what did the Irish eat? Seems that they ate more pork, even bacon – if they could afford meat. I looked up some recipes. I did find a recipe for an Irish boiled dinner, but it called for beef. I decided to use the recipe for basic guidelines and make up my own recipe, using bacon or pork. Actually, when I cook, or rather, when I used to cook, it was almost impossible for me to follow the recipe exactly. I almost always ‘tweak’ it, and almost always have great results. So for this Irish-minded holiday I decided to include potatoes, carrots, turnips, and of course cabbage. I invited my mother and my sister Roni. This was gonna be fun, right? (I don’t have any pictures of the meal, but it's just as well).

I got almost two pounds of thick-sliced bacon, along with some pieces and ends. It was beautiful bacon, with a good amount of actual meat, well marbled with fat. I also got some pork just to add volume. I was afraid that all bacon would be too rich, especially for my mother’s 93-year-old digestion. I sautéed the bacon, then added it to a large pot with some water. Well, it said ‘boiled’ and that is how you boil. You have to have water. I sautéed 3 cloves of garlic and 1 ½ sliced onions and added that to the pot, along with the pork pieces. I thought of adding a tich of rosemary, (there I go again – fighting even following my own made-up recipe) but decided against it because rosemary originated in the middle east; not very Irish. I took some nice, narrow and long carrots and scrubbed them and cut them in two-inch pieces; I quartered 2 turnips, and quartered 4 medium potatoes with their jackets on. I seasoned with salt and pepper. I also prepared 1 head of cabbage to add later. I cut the cabbage into 6 wedges and ‘fixed’ each wedge with toothpicks, and set the wedges aside.

Then I boiled the hell out of the bacon/pork/potato and vegetable mixture. It looked to me like there wasn’t enough water, so I added about a pond of water. I boiled it at medium high heat for 3 ½ hours. Remember that original recipe I found? It said to do this, so I did. About the last hour, I salted the cabbage wedges and added them to the top of the pot and replaced the lid. I also made Irish Soda Bread. It is not leavened with yeast, but with – surprise – soda, but you still have to knead it quite a bit. I don’t know what I did wrong, but there was not enough flour and too much buttermilk so it wouldn’t form up into a ‘rough ball’; it was more like slurpy soup. So, in addition to adding handfuls of flour, I kneaded it and kneaded it and kneaded it until I decided I didn’t need it no more! No, actually, I did keep with it. It said to bake it in a cast iron skillet. I love looking for any reason to cook or bake in cast iron. Even the recipe for the Boiled Dinner said to use a cast iron Dutch Oven, but alas, I don’t have one.

For a drink, I got white grape juice and added a hint of food color to make a light green drink. And dessert was Apple Crisp, from the ancient Betty Crocker Cookbook that I gave Shawn so many years ago. Yes, I did alter this recipe, too. I reduced the amount of brown sugar from 2/3 C to barely ½ C, and barely ½ C of butter. (I only use real butter. If I’m going to eat something decadent, the flavor better be dang worth it).

Guests arrived and soon it was time to serve our dinner. I served it ‘blue plate’ style – I served up each individual plate from the pot on the stove. It looked funky, except the bread, which I served warm, with – yep, butter. The food was bland. So much for ‘turning out great almost every time.' I think I used too much water. I’ve heard jokes about Irish food, how there is a darn good reason there are no Irish restaurants. Everyone was nice about it, but I was just honest – I said, “I don’t like it much. It’s ok if you don’t either.” Roni said, “Well, it’s about trying to be Irish for a day, so it’s fun!” I replied, “If this is what it’s supposed to taste like, then I guess I’m a pretty good Irish cook.”

So today, I had lots of potatoes and carrots and onions left, along with some very soupy bacon and pork. I cooked the bacon and pork down so now it was like a thick sauce covering the meat. Then I chopped up the potatoes and vegetables, except the cabbage, and threw it all together into a large cast iron skillet for Bubble and Squeak. It had the flavor of the potatoes and vegetables and the smoky bacon. I thought it was delicious! Google it – you would not believe the wide variety of ingredients included in various recipes. It was great fun, after all! Love you all. Victoria J Mecham

Introspection

I've been feeling very introspective lately; I'm not quite sure why, other than life seems to be pulling me in a hundred different directions, and I want to go in a hundred OTHER different directions. I kept wondering why things don't go my way, and I have finally realized that actually, they really have.

In a nutshell, the "my way" direction I want to go is to purchase this beautiful historic home in one of the oldest districts in Columbus. It is old, and has been somewhat neglected, but my husband is an incredible carpenter and there's nothing he can't fix - and he LOVES to work on old homes, so that's not an issue either! The problem is that he doesn't have his tools. The other problem is that our home in Provo hasn't sold. We can't afford both homes, and I don't have a job, so here we stay in army housing on-post. No pretty yard, no garden, no garage, no shed for tools…tools that are still in Provo….you get the picture.

Because we thought we were going to be swinging back through Utah in November, we left all Ben's tools stored at home. Then, he had back surgery; his training was postponed, and voila, we're still at Fort Benning- and most likely will be for quite some time. I thought I would get a job when we first got here, and there is a hiring freeze on post for medical positions so that didn't work either…. The reasons the house isn't selling are many - the first and most obvious being the economy. Second, the Army called us to Fort Benning a full six months before we had planned/hoped, and so we didn't quite finish the re-model. Subsequently, while it is a beautiful home, it has its problems and they seem to be hindering the selling process.

So. We left Utah early, the house isn't selling, I don't have a job, we can't buy the house I love with every fiber of my being, and here we sit in our Antique White floor-to-ceiling wall-to-wall tile duplex. And so, because the army called us early, we were here when Ben's back gave out, and he was able to see one of the best neurosurgeons on the East Coast to have the fusion surgery performed. Six months later, he is up walking, biking, swimming and exercising pain free - and still progressing towards Ranger School and SF. Because the Army called us early, he still received a paycheck during his recovery time. Because his training was delayed, we've had the chance to explore Georgia, Florida and Alabama and fall in love with the South. I also had a chance to explore Columbus and find the house of my dreams. Our kids are attending a high school that is rated in the top 5% of the nation - and because of that, will most likely be accepted to whichever college they choose to attend. Because the house isn't finished, our "other" girls had a safe, comfortable, beautiful home to live in for the school year. Because I don't have a job, I've been able to finish another year of college credits, and I've also been a stay-at-home mom and wife since last May. I have loved every errand running, chauffeuring, grocery shopping, homemade meal-preparing minute of it. I sit in my army-issued duplex with an ugly yard, and I am grateful that in this economy, we are managing to live on one income, and have a roof and four walls. We have maintenance people to fix leaking faucets, non-cooling refrigerators, and broken light fixtures. I have a yard that is a blank slate, just crying out for some TLC - my favorite activity in the Spring. Because I live on post, there is a brand new, state-of-the art gym with a swimming pool, so I can indulge myself with swimming and biking and running and weight training, and maybe get ready to compete in another triathlon. The house I love here STILL hasn't sold, maybe I'll have a chance at it later….

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really happy that my life doesn't always go according to my plan. Remember that Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers"? My dad always hated it, and said the prayers were answered, the answer was just "no". Either way, I know that where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be. Blessings get poured out on us every day; all we have to do is recognize them.

Elinor Schroeder Carrick

I Got the Wrong Dream!

Hi all! I have a strange, slightly intriguing, and vastly amusing to me, sequence of events to tell you all about. This is a bit of a twisty little tale, but follow along and you should be entertained.

This all starts several days ago, not sure exactly how many because I've had this migraine that has been going on and on. And it has been bad enough to really warp my sense of time, along with just about everything else. I had tried taking so many different kinds of medication with no results, exept for maybe things got a bit foggier. Hard to tell, but it was one of the nastier headaches I've had in years.

To me it's kind of fascinating how my brain seems to function so much differently during and after prolonged periods of intense pain. So being the pessimistic optimist that I am, I eventually tried to find the silver lining in this gigantic thunderstorm behind my eyeballs. I found myself examining the people and events going on all around me in a much different way. Through eyes of pain a lot of things don't seem so bad as they do when you feel great physically. I found myself feeling incredibly compassionate towards everyone in general for one; I also found myself feeling extremely emotional about anything I tried to read, watch or listen to. I tried to keep a positive attitude throughout all of this, and it was suprisingly easy. I found myself thinking things that I'd never considered before.


For example, what if this pain was really some sort of spiritual growing pain? Maybe this was some sort of punishment for past wrongs. Or a test to see just how much I could take before I snapped. Perhaps if I endure this all the way through without complaint or any effort to fight it, I will be rewarded with some incredible sort of enlightenment, or a great and powerful universal truth that I could share with those around me and make the world a little better. It was all very surreal and dreamlike. Yet the pain level just continued to increase and shift around in my head, neck, and back. I hadn't really slept for a couple of days during all of this; I tried to but I never quite succeeded. I could get close to sleep, but it was more like a trance of some sort where I just meditated upon relaxing this muscle or that one. Whichever one the pain seemed to be emanating from the most. So I was also sleep deprived at a certain point, which seems to heighten senses in a way, yet also dulls them in another. I'm not even going to try and explain that, this will never end if I try to explain it all. Let's just say all of this pain pushed my awareness into a different sort of gear.

I ended up asking my youngest brother, Eli, to try and find some trigger points that would release some of the pain since he is a massage therapist. He obliged me. And then I felt even more intense pain intermingled with waves of endorphines, over and over. Yet it didn't quite work, the pain just shifted from being just on the right side over to the left. So the pain continued and I just kept trying to endure, but that was getting to be more and more difficult. During all of this Eli and I had a long and in depth conversation that I'm sure all of you have had with someone you know. It's not the subject that matters, but the way you seem to form a deep and synergistic bond with someone. You almost seem to link up, or synchronize in a deep and open manner. Eli and I have had a relationship like this for some time, but it had seemed to fade away recently. So as we were talking very openly and honestly to one another I had an encredibly excruciating wave of blinding pain shoot through my eyeballs. I expressed in frustration that I found it strange that a muscle in my neck could cause so much pain in my eyeball. Eli then said, "Ok I know what to do for you, try to relax your neck and just breathe. This is going to hurt."

He proceeded to move my windpipe to the side, reach behind it, and very vigorously massage a muscle that seemed as tight as a steel cable to me. This wasn't a comfortable sensation to say the least. At one point the muscle slipped out of his incredibly strong grip, like a slippery eel. The pain from that was so intense everything went black for a few seconds. But he continued to brutally squeeze and massage this resistant muscle into submission. When he finished my headache was gone. Now I just felt like I had somehow gone through an intense neck workout and was incredibly sore.

Now this is where it gets really interesting to me, and hopefully to you. After this release, Eli and I seemed to somehow connect on a deeper level than I would have thought possible in those circumstances. The kind of level where you know what a person is going to say before they do. An intense feeling of excitement and expectation started to build between us as we discussed our plans and goals and how we perceived each other and the rest of our siblings. And suddenly something shifted, or clicked. We were very suddenly in a very heightened state of awareness and we both recognized it at once and marveled at this new feeling that really wasn't new, we had just taken it for granted and forgotten how to keep this connection alive. It was as if together we had shifted the gears of our consciousness into a higher plane and we could suddenly see more clearly, and farther. We then agreed to help each other achieve certain goals and support each other like we did once before. At this point I had a very deep feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment, as did Eli. I realized that all of my pain was gone and I was exhausted and content. I knew I would be able to sleep this night very soundly. And I did.

Now this is where it gets really fun. I had a dream that I swear was meant for Michael Bay. The terrible director responsible for garbage like Con Air. He also did the Transformer movies. And this all played into my dream. I had a dream that the former mayor of Denver, Wellington Web, a truly slimy politician, had been arrested in what appeared to be China. He was a drug runner in this Chinese prison and had somehow gotten deeply into debt with some of the gangleaders in this prison. Yet he somehow had information about some money that was being smuggled in on a passenger jet. So Nicholas Cage is the guy who is supposed to set up the crew who will steal this money. (I can't stand Nicholas Cage by the way.) So this crew goes onto this passenger plane to steal the money and there is some sort of crazy cosmic disturbance and it turns out they have got the wrong plane. The plane they are on has no people, no money, and is piloted by a computer and they have no control. Meanwhile, Nicholas Cage gets on another palne which turns out to be the one the money is on, and it's full of passengers. He doesn't realize the big mixup that has happened untill his plane suddenly goes through some kind of portal that was created by the evil Decepticons. So now the plot is revealed that the Decepticons are working with some sort of criminal group towards some sort of insidious end. The plane ends up right here in Denver and good old Nick wants to get out of there quick with the money. Well he happens to meet a very good friend of mine who is also very beautiful, and convinces her to take him somewhere with the money. The Decepticons see them leaving and go on a search and destroy mission. And they aren't taking any prisoners. Now this is where I come into this fantastic mind movie. I'm at a park playing kickball, don't ask me to explain that, and I see Decepticon vehicles using this park as a rally point. They are trashing every Audi TT convertible they find. The car my friend drives. But a couple of Decepticons have had a change of heart after one of the trashed cars turns out to have a mother and her baby in it. They suddenly turn good, and since the Autobots are nowhere to be found I join forces with them and in some very explosive fashion, complete with slow motion sequences and dramatic music, we end up saving the day, averting global disaster, saving the girl, and getting to punch Nicholas Cage right in the face. (My favorite part of the whole thing.) I skipped over a bunch of the details, because they were trivial and just involved a lot of explosions and other such nonsense. But I'm sure you all get the point. I woke up from this dream, with a huge amused smile on my face and an incredibly sore neck. But no headache. I have never had a dream that was really a movie complete with a soundtrack. But I found the entire thing hilarious.

Now to finish things off I have to mention this last little bizarre part of this tale. I was talking to Eli and one of his friends earlier today about out of body experiences,( Another post, for another time) and as I was talking his friend suddenly said,"Dude, you're glowing right now!" I was a bit stunned by this but somehow it seemed to fit. So I asked him to explain. He said,"I don't know it's just like I can see an aura around you and it's green! Woah!" I found this comment strangely pleasing as green is my favorite color. Then the conversation came to an end since Eli had to go to work.

That's it. Nothing more to the story. I don't even know why all this happened in the way it did. I know that it all somehow fits together, and that it's probably all very strange and random to most of you. But this is my life folks. True story! I hope you were entertained, and even though your probably shaking your head right now I truly hope it's with a smile on your face! I have one on mine. :)

Maniacal March

You may think I'm slacking, but in actuality, the delay was premeditated. I am simply observing March's first weekly holiday - “National Procrastination Week.”

Weekly
National Procrastination Week: 1-7
YoYo and Skill Toys Week: 1-7
National Sleep Awareness Week: 8-12
Act Happy Week: 15-21
International Brain Awareness Week: 15-21
Wellderly Week: 15-21
American Chocolate Week: 15-21 (Always 3rd Week)
National Bubble (blowers) Week: 19-27
National Cleaning Week: 28-4/3

Daily
I Want You To Be Happy Day: 3
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day: 3
March Forth-Do Something Day: 4
Get Over It Day: 9
Organize Your Home Office Day: 9
Panic Day: 9
International Day of Awesomeness: 10
Dream 2010 Day: 11
World Kidney Day: 11
Genealogy Day: 13
Good Samaritan Involvement Day: 13
National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day: 13
Napping Day (Monday after daylight savings time): 15
True Confessions Day: 15
St. Urho's Day (patron saint of the grasshoppers): 16
Wellderly Day (well-elderly): 16
St. Patrick's Day: 17
Awkward Moments Day: 18
Great American Meat Out Day: 20
National Jump Out! Day: 20 (as in the rope.. not the closet)
National Quilting Day: 20
Snowman Burning Day: 20
Won't You Be My Neighbor Day: 20
Memory Day: 21
As Young As You Feel Day: 22
International Goof-off Day: 22
Letting Go of Stuff Day: 25
Make Up Your Own Holiday Day: 26
Weed Appreciation Day: 28
Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day: 30
National "She's Funny That Way" Day: 31


March holds endless days to celebrate! Between the week-long celebrations of sleep and procrastination and chocolate... and the daily festivities of confessions (and memory) and awesomeness, this is definitely a month of complete fabulousness!!! Why have I never heard of these holidays before? Ahhh, "mad as a March hare" suddenly has more meaning. I could use some happy, bubble-blowing, awkward moments.
XOX
Alice

Teri's Rebuttal to "Guys' Rules"

Many years ago I received an email called “Guys’ Rules” and I rebutted it, and sent it out. I think this rebuttal still applies. This would be funny, except I'm too old for the Guy Headgames. The kind of man who would find these 'rules' acceptable wouldn't appeal to me much. There are a few funny ones, though. But since I'm the one rebutting this, you are certainly entitled to my opinion! (Oh, and the rebuttals are done in 'cranberry').

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Rebuttal: OK - this definitely rates an "oh, wah!" Not only should a male be able to put down the toilet seat AND the lid, he should be able to clean the toilet!

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Rebuttal: Fine, I understand this. And Saturday is bubblebath, lunch with the girls, pamper myself day. Deal with it.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Rebuttal: Correct. It isn't a sport. Quite frankly, I don't care if I shop with a man. I don't always like shopping anyway, with a man or one of the girls, or even by myself. However, if you don't like what I buy after I've been shopping, this is another "oh wah!"

1. Crying is blackmail.
Rebuttal: Only a terribly insensitive and insecure person would think this way.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Rebuttal: I like this one. I think it means that if we're very specific in stating what we want, we'll get it.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Rebuttal: Hmmm. Not totally correct. However, if I'm asked a question, "because" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Rebuttal: Does this mean men know all the answers? This one sounds (again...still?) unbelievably arrogant!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Rebuttal: Well, duh! But perhaps this falls under that 'ask for what you want' category. Something like "I don't want you,” or, “I'm not in the mood,” or, “You're really a jerk sometimes, go away,” or, “You need to learn some basic lovemaking skills.” OK, all you girls get the idea.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
Rebuttal: Ooh, I don't think so! For some comments you'd better be apologizing if said comments are ever to be forgiven, let alone become null and void!

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Rebuttal: Know what? I've never had a man in my life who acted like a soap opera guy! Oh, sure, a couple who thought they could...or did...but minus the careful grooming, the perfectly chiseled face, the perfect clothes, and the perfectly created dialog.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Rebuttal: ….

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Rebuttal: OK, I admit it. This one is funny.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Rebuttal: Sheesh! This sounds like one of my sons in a petulant, testosterone-poisoned stage.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Rebuttal: Do you think a man with this attitude would even hear it if you said (during a commercial of course), “Oh, by the way, I'm leaving you.” Nah, probably not.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
Rebuttal: OK, this one is funny too. Considering that Christopher ended up thousands of miles from where he thought he was going.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Rebuttal: Extremely funny. I knew a fellow who helped do the ads for the men's department in a large store. They frequently advertised "pewter" and "pine" as colors, especially for phone orders, because they thought that if they ran out of one color, they could send just about anything, because no one knew what pewter or pine was.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Rebuttal: Yup!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Rebuttal: Fair enough. Again, this falls under the "ask for what you want category". So if a man asks what is wrong, tell him. He can deal with it.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Rebuttal: Why would we ask a question to which we don't want an answer?

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.
Rebuttal: Oh, sure, I've heard this one before!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Rebuttal: No, really, I do expect men to be able to discuss more than this!

1. You have enough clothes.
Rebuttal: Hilarious! Especially since one of my closet poles fell down today!

1. You have too many shoes.
Rebuttal: No, I do not.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Rebuttal: Yes, this one is funny.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Rebuttal: Ok, this is definitely the best!

From Teri G. Mecham (kinship not stated to protect the innocent).

The editors do not necessarily agree with the statements in this post (except the one about the clothes and the one about the shoes).