Melanie's Story

Have I ever mentioned that you are precious to me and I love you?

I want to tell you those two things today—yes YOU (and your family)-if you are reading this. I hope I do the things the Lord had in mind for me when He spared my life Friday afternoon; I’ll begin by telling you that you—in your special way, each one of you—hold a special place in my heart and have contributed to my life; thank you!! Your relationship is a treasure to me!

I was driving home from a fieldtrip to the zoo in New Orleans Friday—which I’d gone on with Joy (which was after a fieldtrip in New Orleans Thursday on the streetcars with Jacob, and which was one day before the half marathon in New Orleans the next morning which I’ve been training for). I fell asleep at the wheel with the cruise set on about 61 mph coming up highway 21.

I crossed the oncoming lane of traffic, sailed over the ditch, just missed the first telephone pole, drove straight along the tree line and missed the second telephone pole, flew over a couple of felled trees and came to a stop in a pile of deep gravel. I jumped out to see if I’d caused anyone to crash (OH, SOOOOOOO THANKFULLY NOT!!!!!). The 3 drivers behind me stopped and ran over to see if I was all right (one of them being a fellow fieldtripping mom—she told me I’d been airborne). The men inspected the van and could not believe [there was] so little damage and that I’d missed both telephone poles. One of the men kept saying, “you’d better say an extra prayer tonight—you are so lucky.”

The sweet mom was shaking so badly after watching this, she could hardly drive. The men checked and didn’t see anything leaking from the bottom, so they helped me steer through the gravel and back onto the road home. I didn’t wait until night for that ‘extra prayer.’ I dropped to my knees on the driveway to give the Lord thanks for keeping a mother here for our children and a wife for Scott. Needless to say, I couldn’t take that nap I’d planned on—my mind and heart were racing with thoughts of what might’ve/ should’ve been and with humble gratitude for the Lord’s miraculous hand in my behalf.

As the first of our children arrived home, again, my heart ran over with gratitude that their Mother was here to greet them. Word spreads fast, Joy already knew; our neighbor, the school secretary came over to check on me, the Sheriff came by to see if there was a child in the car and if he/she was all right—soosooooooooo grateful Joy was on the bus!

Needless to say, every little thing has been seen in a new light for me. As I was gathering dirty laundry late that night after the church trunk-or-treat party, I told Scott how sweet it was to be doing such a chore! How thankful I was this morning to serve my family the typical Monday morning pancakes. How grateful I was to sit with our children at church Sunday…and on and on and on. I hope I do good things with my second chance; I am totally in awe!

Well, the half marathon paled in comparison the next morning, but once again I was blessed. The humidity and temperature had dropped and it was perfect weather for me and my fellow 2,500 runners. I had a goal to keep my 12 minute mile pace, but when they called out the time with only 2 miles remaining I was way ahead of myself—so when I got to the finish line and couldn’t see the clock—I didn’t care too much; besides the water table was my main thought about that time! I had looked at my own watch and realized that at half past the hour it would be easy to figure my time, but I got distracted……….so about 4 hours later at home, I remembered and said, “oh, yeah, I can figure out what time I got!” It was fun to look for and find some members of the church that I knew after the race, and the Blue Bunny ice cream bars weren’t a bad find either J! (I passed up the free beer—guess the race was pretty ok because it didn’t drive me to start drinking! ha, ha!)

Well, there are “Saints” of all kinds—thankfully the New Orleans Saints fans were happy to receive trick-or-treaters a day early due to the Sunday night game—this worked in our favor so we could let the children enjoy trick or treating and still keep the Sabbath day holy the next day. Scott took Charity and Joy while I took Aaron to 2 of his classmates’ parties. Faith went w/some friends to a church party and Ben left the party he went to with a date after refusing multiple offers of alcohol and smokes—GO Bennie! Jacob was happy to be an armchair quarterback at home!

Jacob made the junior high basketball team last week—so that is fun for him.
Faith was awarded her Young Womanhood Award yesterday in church—once again, I was sooooooo thankful to have been blessed to be there!

Well, I’m sorry I didn’t have any funny stories/adventures for you this week, but my mind and heart are somewhat overcome with gratitude to the Lord. And, I wish all of you to know that I appreciate the way you have touched my life. Happy Week to you all.

LOTS OF LOVE, Me(l) and the Family


OK, one little math dittie for you…how many angels, or legions of angels, does it take to lift a full-size green van-- going 61mph—thru 2 telephone poles, over a couple of trees and then set it down in a patch of gravel about 200 yards later? I don’t know the answer, but I’m hoping I can someday watch the “replay.” I wonder if angels get sore muscles? Will mine need a month off to recover? I don’t know, but I’m grateful!

Melanie Conlin, daughter of Dr. Elaine Bond

Are Your Pants Clean?

My niece Barb sent me an email a few days ago that was pretty funny – one I hadn’t seen before. It was entitled “Adult Directions.” One of the comments was about the getting-dirty-rate of clothing. It said that your underwear gets dirty pretty rapidly, and your shirt, but that your pants don’t, you could wear and wear and wear them. (Paraphrased). It was a comment that kept coming back to the analytical, over-serious side of my brain. How come the author of the email has this experience? I kept thinking about how easily my pants get dirty.

I sit in things. I spill things. I work and use my legs to carry giant potted plants full of dirt and plants and I get dirty. I kneel in the garden or to scrub the floor. I spill more things, usually eating while reading or driving. (Yes, I’m guilty of this most heinous multi-tasking behavior). Then I thought of when babies (my own when they were little, my grandbabies now) sit on my lap and wet through their diaper or through their training pants. That is a definite change ‘em quick! Then I thought of when one laughs so hard and wets her pants. I say ‘her’ because I have never ever heard of this happening to a guy, at least a youthful guy. (Not talkin' about babies here). But it happens to girls of all ages, so they say. I kind of disbelieved this – I use the phrase myself, from time to time, for description and in an effort to appear humorous, but I have never actually had it happen to me. I thought if it happened to anyone, it would be an octogenarian of either gender. (Not all elder seniors have this happen – my 94-year-old mother has never had it happen. Proof of the necessity for and power of kegels, or promotion for twice-weekly aerobics until you are 89).

Yeah, I didn’t really think it happened. But I have learned recently that it does happen to some girls I know. I don’t know why – but some people have it happen when they laugh so hard they – you know what I was going to say next, don’t you. Yeah. I wonder how that happens. Maybe a different musculature makes some people’s muscles release upon laughing hard. Or maybe, again, it’s a multi-tasking issue and they can’t laugh hard and maintain control of all body areas at the same time. Dunno. A mystery, for sure.

So, I guess I still have to disagree with that area of the funny email. Maybe the author of the email isn't active and just mostly sits (and doesn’t eat at the same time). Or maybe they are just more careful or less sloppy. Or maybe they don’t know her/his pants are dirty.

Here is the funny message, in it’s entirety:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that
their brain is also important.

Author Unknown

Love you all. Victoria J Mecham

Loving a Writer

Loving a writer, or loving the writer’s work, is similar to the worst kind of love affair gone bad. The clichés seem to fit – All’s fair in love and war; the one who loves the most has the least power, …

So many of us love J.K Rowling, even as she teases us with hints of possible future writings, even when she stubbornly refuses to give us more info, even when it seems to be taking forever for more from this sublime novelist. Stephanie Meyer pumped out four books (five, if you include her non-vampire tale, "The Host") in a few short years. She started a book from Edward’s perspective, "Midnight Sun", and when the first 12 chapters were leaked to the public she shut the entire book down. That was such a sad thing, because Edward’s book (what there was of it) was by far my favorite. So after a couple of years and she did not relent and complete Edward’s book, I felt anger towards this accomplished author. I thought of boycotting her books – too late for that. I thought of boycotting the films – that’s never gonna happen.

That’s because I love the writer more than the writer loves me. Oh, sure – both Ms. Rowling and Ms. Meyer love their fans. For what are they, as authors, without those of us who love their books? Just someone who has very effectively scratched an itch. No, this is no equal love affair. Rowling and Meyer will continue along as they have, writing when they feel stirred to do so and not a moment sooner, not really caring about what I am going through; and here I will stew in my anguish, pleading for a morsel of attention - almost anything will do from Ms. Rowling. Just write something wonderful again, I beg of you.

Love you all. Victoria J Mecham

If You're Able, Then You Must Go!

While I have 2 free seconds I thought I would send a quick note. We here in the hot Central San Joaquin Valley of California will miss everyone TERRIBLY at the reunion this weekend. Have lots of fun, eat lots of food, and wear LOTS of sunscreen! And one more thing, if you live anywhere near the reunion, YOU MUST GO!!! No excuses, JUST GO. For the sake of those of us who can't go, take the opportunity to see family and catch up with those you don't get to see that often. It can all be gone in a flash.

Love to everyone!
Best wishes from hot, dusty, dry (etc., etc.) Caruthers, California!

Megan, Toni, Nick, Josh, Ash & Isabel

Roman Polanski and Other Hollywood-type Scoundrels

Every once in a while I take a stab at making a political statement. I don’t always think ‘politically,’ so it’s not something I am well versed in. But I shall attempt to do so once again.

It’s Back to Business as Usual for Roman Polanski. Back in 1977 he was charged with the rape of a 13-year-old girl, but pled guilty to "unlawful sex with a minor." Then he sneaked out of the country before his sentence could be pronounced. He has had a United States outstanding warrant for arrest since then, and an international arrest warrant since 2005, but eluded capture for over 30 years. Until last year. In September 2009 he was arrested while in Switzerland, and they actually agreed to hold him when the US requested extradition. Earlier this month, the Swiss decided his fate.

Switzerland will not extradite him to the US for his crime many years ago against a young girl. He is a “free man.”

Why should we be shocked? Hollywood (The Film Industry) has always said it was OK to (figuratively and literally) f**k people over, even children. Yet, we continue to support this industry. I mean, if no one went to the movies or bought DVDs, they wouldn’t be in business. But alas, I don’t foresee this happening. We are addicted to our own entertainment. We are! Me, more than most, I think. I saw over 100 movies last year, (most of them borrowed DVDs) and I’m working on coming close to that this year.

But what if, what if, we had the huevos to boycott the movies!! What if we said, “Behavior of many studio heads, producers (especially), directors (i.e. Polanski) and actors is reprehensible. You do awful things, that if done in the mainstream sector of the population would result in public and media scorn, derision, denunciation, ostracizing, even jail time. We demand behavior change. We demand that M. Polanski be served his just dessert. This would require that actors, directors, producers, et al refuse to work with him until he returns to the US for Sentencing. We demand that Hollywood take to task Mr. Mel Gibson (and others like him) for their abusive behavior in that they (the film industry) will no longer work with said deviants until there is evidence of 1) Sincere Remorse, and 2) Changed Behavior. We demand that individuals curtail their lascivious, immature, and immoral behaviors. This would again require that those in the film industry refuse to work with those committing these types of offensive deeds. And to show you that we really mean it, we – none of us - will go to a movie at a theatre or buy a DVD for the period of three months. If you don’t ‘get’ that we mean it by then, then we will start up a new period of boycotting – say, six months. And so on, for however long it takes.”

Wow - wouldn’t it be truly awesome if we sent that kind of a message? We would see how powerful as a people we are. I know - this is just a silly dream. I think I could do it. There have been years that I don’t go to a movie at all. I just got too busy in my life to think about it. But I feel strongly that 90% of the American population could not, would not do it. We could make a difference if we could. My son Shawn often says, “Vote with your dollars.” Regrettable that this will likely never happen.

Victoria J Mecham

A Long Family Errand: The Trip Way Past Bountiful – Part 2

(Or - The Adventure: How not to drive 30 miles away from home)

We remembered that the exit on I-15 to go out to the Isle of Antelopes was near Clearfield. We knew it was going to be waaay past Bountiful!

As we were driving toward the freeway, Roni announced that she only had ¼ tank of gas. I asked her, “Well, where are you going to stop? There are no gas stations between here and the freeway if you take this road.” Roni replied, “There’s a place up north I like to go to – I like to buy their car washes.” So off we went in her snazzy, fast little car. Like me, (only even more), Roni likes to be the Fastest Girl on the Freeway. She got the car she has because it makes it so easy to be that girl. I wasn’t worried – she is a good driver, and it was great to be with her, a relief to be taking care of this task, and just wonderful not to be the driver. I drive fast because we haven’t invented teleportation yet. Roni drives fast because it’s fun.

We talked, talked, talked all the way – we hadn’t seen each other for about three whole weeks and had to catch up! So we almost missed the exit. I realized we were probably past Kaysville. I said, “Oh, shirt” – (OK – there was no ‘R’ in what I said) – “did we miss the exit? I forgot to look for anything that said ‘Antelope Island, thataway’.” Roni said she wasn’t sure, she didn’t think so. Then we saw a sign that said ‘Freeport Center’. I said, “Oh! I think I remember having to exit where it said ‘Freeport Center!” Roni replied that was true, and off we went. (Just for clarification, it is Exit 332).

As we drove west, we talked some more. I told her a woman I used to work with who was from the east coast had told me that the best pizza you could find in the west was along this road. So we decided to look for it, even though I didn’t know what it was called or where it was. Amazingly, the area has changed a great deal since I was out there last. Twelve years, remember? Lots of franchises have gone up in the neighborhood. Needless to say, we didn’t find the pizza shop.

There was a good amount of traffic, and some yicky road construction. But on we drove, and on we drove. And on. We remembered that there used to be an onion farm along that road oh, so long ago. I didn’t notice any farms this time. I also remember that last time out there, we got stuck behind a tractor driving down the road at about ought-7 MPH. Thankfully, this time there were no tractors, and the road no longer looked like you would even find tractors on it. The modern world has arrived here, 25 years behind, just like the gag says.

We finally were approaching a little building sitting in the middle of the road; it looked like maybe it was the entrance to Antelope Island State Park. There were people dressed like rangers or something – you know – official forest-looking uniforms. We told them we just wanted to check out the area so we could decide where we wanted to reserve, but they made us pay anyway, so Roni flipped out her American Express card. We got a brochure/map of the area and off we drove. We passed a location not very far from the entrance station that looked a bit familiar, maybe - it had a pavilion or two and showers and restrooms, but they had said they don’t reserve that, so I figured it must not be what we were looking for. We noticed that the lake was pretty far from the parking lots, much farther than we remembered it.

We drove on some more. We didn’t really see anything else that looked like the area we used to go to, but we were having a good time and just drove on. Yeah – the lake was down much farther than I had seen it in maybe 25 or more years. After a long while, we decided we had taken a wrong turn or something, so back we went. Ah-ha! – turn here – oh, see, follow that sign, let’s see where that takes us. We followed the road for quite a bit longer, and ended up at a ‘campground’ – it said so on our map. But I could only see lots of brush and sand and a surface similar to what you see at the Bonneville Salt Flats – and no structures. And the lake was really, really far away. We started to turn around and we saw some buffalo very close, kind of surrounding our turn-around area. Or bison. I really don’t know the difference. (If my son Nate reads this, perhaps he can update my knowledge base). We stopped there for several minutes to see if they would do anything interesting. They just looked back at us or ignored us completely, so we decided to go. Those puppies are BIG, though.

On our way back to the entrance station we realized two things: 1) We had forgotten to stop at Roni’s favorite gas station in the Bountiful area, and 2) it was a whole lot farther back to the entrance station than we realized. Oh-oh. I’m riding along, having a serious anxiety issue in my solar plexus; Roni is, as usual, calm, serene, with that Mona Lisa look she has. Actually, you almost never really know what Roni is thinking.

As we neared the entrance station, we saw the area with the pavilions and great parking lots again, and stopped in the middle of the road to scope it out. I said, “After seeing everything out here, I am positive this is the place we used to reserve. We need to have the covered area, especially for Mother.” So, we went back to the entrance station, parked in the lot on the other side of the road, and went in to ask questions. The lady there was very nice – I think her name was Amber or Amanda. She said someone had told her they used to reserve the pavilion area but did not do that any longer; it was on a first-come, first-served basis.

I said, “We really need this covered area. I think we’ll take a chance and have the reunion here.” Amanda said, “Well, if you do use the pavilions, you will have to allow others who want to be there to use them.” I said, “We will come early – as soon as the park opens. If others want to brave our screaming masses, they are welcome to join us.” Temporarily, of course - I mean, who would want to be adopted into a family of 200?

So, now we had to get to a gas station on the fumes we had left after our long drive. Roni still wanted to go to her favorite station and felt confident that her magic car would make it. Me: still feeling the solar plexus issue; Roni: still Mona Lisa. (She also drove a little slower to conserve any remaining drops of fuel. Amazing how that works.) We did make it to the gas station just fine. The trip answered questions and we were able to finally plan the family reunion.

So, now it is planned. I have told all my 8 living sisters and asked them to inform their children. I’m not sure that happened, since I had a few nieces ask what was up as far as date and place, kind of important if we all intend to show up at the same time. Well, then, here’s the scoop - the reunion is at Antelope Island State Park, on Saturday, August 14. All day, basically. It is Exit 332. Head west for about a bizillion miles until you get to the little entrance shack. There is a fee – I think it is $9.00 per vehicle, so it might be smart to pack it with people. Also, The fewer cars there, the better. Parking is limited. I won’t quite say ‘minimal’, but if all 200 of us plus cousins (of the original 10 girls) showed up, it would help out with the parking situation. This is potluck. Grandma thinks it would be fun to stay all day so bring enough food for probably two meals. Lots of times we like to trade or share food.

Don’t forget your sunscreen, plenty of water, and your sense of adventure. You might also want to bring towels or blankets, and chairs, and don’t forget your camera or video recorder. Someone will be there as soon as the park opens.

I remember when my kids were still little, certain (unnamed) brothers who were married to certain sisters were throwing bread or something about 6 feet over the heads of the little kids and laughing uproariously as the seagulls dived for the morsels. I wonder what great games and adventures the younger generation will come up with this year. This is gonna be fun!

Love you all.

Victoria J Mecham

A Long Family Errand: The Trip Waaay Past Bountiful - Part I

I was given the task of coordinating the Family Reunion for summer of 2010. Many have said it would be fun to have it at Antelope Island in the Great Salt Lake; we have done this several times through the last 35 or so years, so it was agreed that it would be nostalgic and fun to have it there again. The last time we did my Grandson Joshua was a baby, and he turned 12 in April. The family was a whole lot smaller 12 years ago - the people who were teens or just coming into adulthood then are now full adults and most are parents several times over. I don’t know how many we have in our family, but it is said to be in the neighborhood of 200. (If anyone has this completely figured out, please bring us up to date). And this is just for the offspring of Victor and Elinor!

First of all we had to decide on a date. I forgot to bring along my dentist pliers so the pulling teeth thing to get preferences was out; but I finally got a smidgen of agreement. Someone said not before June 20 – too cold, I think; and several of us were concerned about sweltering heat, but this year has not been too bad. Grandma Nor was worried about being cold – at 93, she doesn’t stay as warm as she used to. So, it looked like it would be between June 20-ish and the middle of September. That’s a lot of wiggle room. Oh, and it had to be a Saturday. Sunday doesn’t work for many because of their church, and many work weekdays. So, Saturday works, I guess. But since no one else stood up and said, “I want it on THIS DATE”, and I was the one doing the ‘planning,’ I got to choose. And I chose August 14. Whew! OK, that was pretty easy. Kinda.

I was cautioned to hurry up and make the reservations as early in the year as possible, as the spots fill up quickly. So, I started on the Internet about the second week of January. I can create blogs, I can work a spreadsheet, presentations, and even a little bit of database. I can even poke around a bit on Facebook, but when it comes to a new site, I stab around and get frustrated and it isn’t a pleasant time. I also usually swear several times. So, in my inept way I made 2 or 3 attempts at the Internet. I didn’t know what I was even looking for.

But Eureka! I finally found a phone number. There was a bit of waiting in queue, so I decided to call back later. Then I promptly forgot for a few days. I finally remembered to call again, waited in the queue, and it wasn’t too bad. The person was friendly, but kept talking about camping, camping. I told her we don’t want to camp, we just want to reserve a space for a day – in the daytime - for a family reunion. She didn’t quite understand what I needed and I didn’t know what she was talking about. Finally, she said she thought she knew what I wanted, and said there was another number I needed to call that took care of the area I was talking about.

So I called the number she gave me and I got a recorded message. The message said if I was interested in reserving a spot, I should leave my information, and they would call back “when possible.” What does that mean?

So, I left my name and number, sending out positive vibes that they would find it ‘possible’ to call me back. I waited a week and had no return call, so I called again, got the same voicemail, left a similar message. Again no return call. Again I waited. I called a week or so later, left the message; same result. This was clearly not working. And Gayle (Maynard) told me she had been out there and things were very different than when we were last there, and the water is way low. I decided I needed to see it and maybe go to the visitors’ center or something, see if I could make arrangements while there. I could see that Roni and I would need to go out on another adventure! (I have learned that just going to the store with Roni is an adventure. We still connect on the same giggly level that we did when she was four and I was seven, or when she was 13 and I was 16).

Love you all

Victoria

Next time: The Adventure: Or, how not to drive 30 miles away from home.

Love life

I've just signed onto the "gabber" page (I think it's called that) and want to say I'm happy to have this means to communicate with each other! The more avenues of communication, the better! I have some news that most of you may already be aware of, but if I've left anyone out when sending out announcements, my sincere apologies! ( It might be that I couldn't get a hold of your address.) My daughter, Emily, is graduating from High school on June 1, 2010! This has been a particularly difficult struggle for her; she's had some health issues that have made things a little harder than we sometimes anticipated. But she did it!!! We sent out announcements just before the event because we were not certain until then whether or not it was going to happen! So please forgive me for being a little boastful, but I'm just about as proud of her as a parent can be! A lot of long, extra hours, missing out on social events, and quite a few tears have been a part of this accomplishment! And I know that while she's going to be beaming with the satisfaction of a job VERY well done during the graduation exercises, most of the glow is going to be relief that's it finally OVER! Don't be surprised to find that she takes a year off of any kind of schooling after this! Even Einstein did, he wasn't too fond of his formal education, either!

Yay for May (and a little April, too)

Sorry about missing April. Actually, I’m really sorry. Had I realized WHAT I missed, I definitely would have at least sent a link. So, for April, let me just say: Happy Belated Penis Day! I’ve included 2 links for your viewing and/or reading enjoyment:
http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/2009/04/29/happy-belated-penis-day/
and/or
http://sardouzami.com/goonagoon/rooze%20kir/national%20penis%20dag.htm

YAY FOR MAY
Motorcycle Mass & Blessing of The Bikes Day: 2
National Play Your Ukulele Day: 2
World Laughter Day: 2
Lumpy Rug Day: 3
National Two Different Colored Shoes Day: 3
Respect for Chickens Day: 4
Star Wars Day: 4
Great American Grump Out: 5
No Diet Day: 6
No Homework Day: 6
National Day of Prayer: 6
National Day of Reason: 6
No Pants Day: 7
Tuba Day: 7
No Socks Day: 8
Stay Up All Night Day: 8
Eat What You Want Day: 11
Limerick Day: 12
National Nutty Fudge Day: 12
Frog Jumping Day: 13
Root Canal Appreciation Day: 13
Underground America Day: 14
Straw Hat Day: 15
National Sea Monkey Day: 16
Victoria Day: 17
Visit Your Relatives Day: 18
Turn Beauty Inside Out Day: 19
International Day of Dishwashing Liquids: 20
I Need A Patch For That Day: 21
National Wig Out Day: 22
Neighbor Day: 23
World Turtle Day: 23
Brother's Day: 24
Cookie Monster's Birthday: 25
National Tap Dance Day: 25
Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day: 25
National Senior Health & Fitness Day: 26
Cellophane Tape Day: 27
Slugs Return From Capistrano Day: 28
Hug Your Cat Day: 30
Loomis Day: 30
What You Think Upon Grows Day: 3
World No-Tobacco Day: 31
There you have it; my compilation of this months humorous holidays. Though most are not as hilarious as - nor can they compare to - April, they’re all a detour from the norm... and well, aren’t we all? That is what makes us family. Have a fabulous, fun filled, May! Love Alice

History Lessons

History. Who likes to learn about history? It’s usually pretty dry and boring. A bunch of names and dates, someone did this or that, what does it all really mean and why in the name of all that is good do I have to learn about a bunch of dusty old farts who died long before I was even a sparkle in my father’s eye? I think history can be fascinating, but usually it is represented in such a manner that I pass out in class before the teacher is done taking attendance. Not so with my current History Professor. He makes history come alive with various class activities designed to get the students involved. A recent activity we performed in class ranked right near the top with potential to make students skip class had we known before hand what he had planned. We were told in the previous class that he had something special and fun in store for us. When I arrived in class on the appointed day all the chairs and tables were moved to the edges of the room so as to leave the center of the classroom clear. Then after attendance was taken we were told that we were going to learn the Virginia Reel. Yes, that’s right, we were going to learn a social dance in history class. Something “special and fun”... um... sure... I guess. It ended up being the most fun I’ve had sharing public humiliation, ever! And since this is supposed to be a learning environment, what did I learn from this lesson besides the steps to the Virginia Reel? I learned that I don't actually have two left feet.

Teri has her own To-Drink!!

So just what is a to-drink? All of the girls know, of course, and Grammy Nor. Maybe even a few of the grandkids are old enough to know/remember.

Eons ago people used insulated thermoses to carry their drink of choice in their lunch boxes. But there was no bottled water available, or cup holders in vehicles, nothing to make keeping one's drink conveniently available. So Grampy Vic found something that worked for him. Yes, he still had coffee or tea in his thermos. But for something that could be used in the car, or when he was working outside around the house, he looked around and came up with ...a Karo syrup bottle. They still look sort of the same today, except they are plastic. Back in those days, Karo syrup in the quart size had a wide botton and narrow neck, and was made of glass.

Grampy started putting his coffee or tea in a Karo bottle. (Actually someone else usually prepared it for him, but I'm fairly certain he came up with the idea.) The wide part of the bottle held almost a quart, and the 'neck' was the right size to hold in his hand, and he could drink from the bottle without spilling. The long neck also kept liquid from splashing out while he was driving. It could just be parked between his knees while he was driving, or put nearby if he was working outside.

I don't know how long he'd been using this type of drinking vessel, certainly before I was born. I believe it was Nancy, who gave it the name 'To-drink'. Nancy was about 4 or so, and Grammy Nor was fixing Grampy's bottle of ...whatever it was...and little Nancy asked what it was. Grammy said..."It's Daddy's, to drink." Being as young as she was, Nancy thought that was what the container was called, so from then on, it was Daddy's to-drink. We all grew up with that new word.

Recently I was grocery shopping. I'd either been running errands for awhile or stopped to shop on my way home from working. I had no water bottle in the car, and was feeling really thirsty. So I found the bottled tea section and found a 42 oz. bottle of lemon iced tea. Here's the really exciting part - it's shaped kinda like a Karo bottle! Wide base, narrow neck, holds enough water to keep me hydrated. I have my own to-drink!

Washington Idaho Nevada California Oregon - and Utah?

I was “talking” with my nieces Jen and Aubrie, and anyone else who wanted to join in but hadn’t yet, on facebook about the new supermarket in town, WINCO. As I responded to them, I decided it would make an OK Family (and Friends, don’t forget) Blog Post. Hence, what you are reading here.

For those of you who don’t know this store, the letters in the name apparently stand for Washington Idaho Nevada California Oregon. I have visited this store in both Oregon, where my strikingly handsome son Nate Slocombe lives, and in the central San Joaquin valley of California, where my stunningly beautiful daughter Megan Goodwin lives. The store is rather large, with a small cosmetic and household items section, but wonderful produce, meats, dairy, baked goods, general foodstuffs, and coffee sections. Also, good household papergoods (facial tissue, bathroom tissue, paper towels, etc.) and cleaning products sections. And it has a really great bulk section, better than others I have seen in this state.

So, I was very excited for WINCO to come to Utah. I know, it seems weird to be so excited over a silly supermarket. But really – I was excited. I was wondering where they would put the ‘U’ though. They could put it in the middle – make it ‘WINUCO’. Sounds good, huh? But alas, looks like they have no plans to change the name. But I love WINCO! All WINCOs are laid out the same (those that I’ve been to). I love their amazing prices, and I love their bulk section. I bought 4 bay leaves – for the Irish dinner I made for St Patrick’s Day (for more information see previous posts) - and it didn’t even register on the scale, so I think they charged me like 20 cents. I mean, I haven’t used bay leaf for years (since I almost never cook except for Mexican – not much need for bay leaf in Mexican) so buying a whole can of bay leaves seemed stupid. Again – I love WINCO. The first day I shopped there I called Megan from the store, all excited. I said, “This is amazing – it’s just like a WINCO!” Megan is like – “Yeah. Uh, Mom, I would expect that.” She is very patient and tolerent with me.

My mother, Elinor Mecham (Grandma or Grandma Nor to many of you) has expressed interest in visiting this store, which is only a couple of miles from my house but about 15 miles from her house, so there had to be a good reason for the trip. Well, we finally just decided it would be a fun way to spend some time together, so last Wednesday we decided it would be a good day to do that. Two of my nine sisters, Leslie and Roni, also came along. They arrived at my place about 2:15 pm and I hopped in Leslie’s van and away we went. It’s a good thing Leslie knows my neighborhood because I kept forgetting to tell her where to turn or go forward. She was also very patient with me.

In the store we decided to only use two carts – a caravan of four slow-moving carts is no joy to run across if you aren’t part of the caravan. And at 93, my mother does need to move more slowly than some younger persons. Shopping with her has been great for my Life Lessons in Patience. I usually rush around a store and grab what I need and get the heck outta Dodge. We explored the store and it did take almost two hours. My mother was already tired and this made her more tired, I could see it on her face, although she didn’t complain. It made me tired, too – a lot from poking along slowly. I have never, ever – ever since I was a very small child – ever liked shopping with a bunch of other people as a social activity. I always wanted to lie on the floor and nap while everyone else oohhed and ahhed over their discoveries. So when I got home from the WINCO trip I wanted sorely to take a nap. I didn’t, but it was tempting. But I was glad I finally did this with my mother, and glad to have my sisters for the added comraderie. Not a bad way to spend my day.

Love you all.

Victoria J Mecham

Please Note: This Blog Is Not Called 'Victoria's Blog!'

I’m getting sick of seeing just my stuff, my name, and my picture up here. Sure, my ego likes being out there. But it seems like it’s Victoria’s Blog these days. I also know that there are a whole lot of other people out there who are interesting, more interesting than I, who have wonderful, amazing, and brilliant things to share. I’m goin’ huntin’ for something new!

Maybe I’m comin’ after you!

Love you all.
Victoria J Mecham

Cookery From Across The Pond

If I was talking to you right now instead of writing to you, you would think me rude, crass, manner-less; a git. That is because I am eating a plate-full of ‘Bubble n’ Squeak’. Yeah. That’s right - ‘Bubble n’ Squeak’. I'm typing with my mouth full. When I was married to Paul, the original Brit, way back in another era, I learned how to make this. My understanding of Bubble and Squeak is that it’s a delicious mix of leftovers. But it has to be just the right leftovers, and I don’t always have that right combination. Well, howdy, I had the proper combination today. Ohh, mghy, thish izh delischoush.

Yesterday was March 17th, St Patrick’s Day. As does any Good American, I wanted to celebrate this important holiday in proper fashion. But no green beer for me, noohoohoo. I decided to cook up an Irish dinner of corned beef and cabbage. Only I didn’t know anything about how to do this, so of course I Googled it. Funnily enough, I came across a great article (http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/2Kitch/aCBeefCabge.html) that said the Irish never did have this as a staple meal. Apparently they still don’t. Some pubs in Ireland do serve it, but it is for the tourists. According to the above mentioned article, one person said, “Pints. I eat pints.” Sounds pretty Irish to me.

Well, I wanted this to be authentic, so what did the Irish eat? Seems that they ate more pork, even bacon – if they could afford meat. I looked up some recipes. I did find a recipe for an Irish boiled dinner, but it called for beef. I decided to use the recipe for basic guidelines and make up my own recipe, using bacon or pork. Actually, when I cook, or rather, when I used to cook, it was almost impossible for me to follow the recipe exactly. I almost always ‘tweak’ it, and almost always have great results. So for this Irish-minded holiday I decided to include potatoes, carrots, turnips, and of course cabbage. I invited my mother and my sister Roni. This was gonna be fun, right? (I don’t have any pictures of the meal, but it's just as well).

I got almost two pounds of thick-sliced bacon, along with some pieces and ends. It was beautiful bacon, with a good amount of actual meat, well marbled with fat. I also got some pork just to add volume. I was afraid that all bacon would be too rich, especially for my mother’s 93-year-old digestion. I sautéed the bacon, then added it to a large pot with some water. Well, it said ‘boiled’ and that is how you boil. You have to have water. I sautéed 3 cloves of garlic and 1 ½ sliced onions and added that to the pot, along with the pork pieces. I thought of adding a tich of rosemary, (there I go again – fighting even following my own made-up recipe) but decided against it because rosemary originated in the middle east; not very Irish. I took some nice, narrow and long carrots and scrubbed them and cut them in two-inch pieces; I quartered 2 turnips, and quartered 4 medium potatoes with their jackets on. I seasoned with salt and pepper. I also prepared 1 head of cabbage to add later. I cut the cabbage into 6 wedges and ‘fixed’ each wedge with toothpicks, and set the wedges aside.

Then I boiled the hell out of the bacon/pork/potato and vegetable mixture. It looked to me like there wasn’t enough water, so I added about a pond of water. I boiled it at medium high heat for 3 ½ hours. Remember that original recipe I found? It said to do this, so I did. About the last hour, I salted the cabbage wedges and added them to the top of the pot and replaced the lid. I also made Irish Soda Bread. It is not leavened with yeast, but with – surprise – soda, but you still have to knead it quite a bit. I don’t know what I did wrong, but there was not enough flour and too much buttermilk so it wouldn’t form up into a ‘rough ball’; it was more like slurpy soup. So, in addition to adding handfuls of flour, I kneaded it and kneaded it and kneaded it until I decided I didn’t need it no more! No, actually, I did keep with it. It said to bake it in a cast iron skillet. I love looking for any reason to cook or bake in cast iron. Even the recipe for the Boiled Dinner said to use a cast iron Dutch Oven, but alas, I don’t have one.

For a drink, I got white grape juice and added a hint of food color to make a light green drink. And dessert was Apple Crisp, from the ancient Betty Crocker Cookbook that I gave Shawn so many years ago. Yes, I did alter this recipe, too. I reduced the amount of brown sugar from 2/3 C to barely ½ C, and barely ½ C of butter. (I only use real butter. If I’m going to eat something decadent, the flavor better be dang worth it).

Guests arrived and soon it was time to serve our dinner. I served it ‘blue plate’ style – I served up each individual plate from the pot on the stove. It looked funky, except the bread, which I served warm, with – yep, butter. The food was bland. So much for ‘turning out great almost every time.' I think I used too much water. I’ve heard jokes about Irish food, how there is a darn good reason there are no Irish restaurants. Everyone was nice about it, but I was just honest – I said, “I don’t like it much. It’s ok if you don’t either.” Roni said, “Well, it’s about trying to be Irish for a day, so it’s fun!” I replied, “If this is what it’s supposed to taste like, then I guess I’m a pretty good Irish cook.”

So today, I had lots of potatoes and carrots and onions left, along with some very soupy bacon and pork. I cooked the bacon and pork down so now it was like a thick sauce covering the meat. Then I chopped up the potatoes and vegetables, except the cabbage, and threw it all together into a large cast iron skillet for Bubble and Squeak. It had the flavor of the potatoes and vegetables and the smoky bacon. I thought it was delicious! Google it – you would not believe the wide variety of ingredients included in various recipes. It was great fun, after all! Love you all. Victoria J Mecham

Introspection

I've been feeling very introspective lately; I'm not quite sure why, other than life seems to be pulling me in a hundred different directions, and I want to go in a hundred OTHER different directions. I kept wondering why things don't go my way, and I have finally realized that actually, they really have.

In a nutshell, the "my way" direction I want to go is to purchase this beautiful historic home in one of the oldest districts in Columbus. It is old, and has been somewhat neglected, but my husband is an incredible carpenter and there's nothing he can't fix - and he LOVES to work on old homes, so that's not an issue either! The problem is that he doesn't have his tools. The other problem is that our home in Provo hasn't sold. We can't afford both homes, and I don't have a job, so here we stay in army housing on-post. No pretty yard, no garden, no garage, no shed for tools…tools that are still in Provo….you get the picture.

Because we thought we were going to be swinging back through Utah in November, we left all Ben's tools stored at home. Then, he had back surgery; his training was postponed, and voila, we're still at Fort Benning- and most likely will be for quite some time. I thought I would get a job when we first got here, and there is a hiring freeze on post for medical positions so that didn't work either…. The reasons the house isn't selling are many - the first and most obvious being the economy. Second, the Army called us to Fort Benning a full six months before we had planned/hoped, and so we didn't quite finish the re-model. Subsequently, while it is a beautiful home, it has its problems and they seem to be hindering the selling process.

So. We left Utah early, the house isn't selling, I don't have a job, we can't buy the house I love with every fiber of my being, and here we sit in our Antique White floor-to-ceiling wall-to-wall tile duplex. And so, because the army called us early, we were here when Ben's back gave out, and he was able to see one of the best neurosurgeons on the East Coast to have the fusion surgery performed. Six months later, he is up walking, biking, swimming and exercising pain free - and still progressing towards Ranger School and SF. Because the Army called us early, he still received a paycheck during his recovery time. Because his training was delayed, we've had the chance to explore Georgia, Florida and Alabama and fall in love with the South. I also had a chance to explore Columbus and find the house of my dreams. Our kids are attending a high school that is rated in the top 5% of the nation - and because of that, will most likely be accepted to whichever college they choose to attend. Because the house isn't finished, our "other" girls had a safe, comfortable, beautiful home to live in for the school year. Because I don't have a job, I've been able to finish another year of college credits, and I've also been a stay-at-home mom and wife since last May. I have loved every errand running, chauffeuring, grocery shopping, homemade meal-preparing minute of it. I sit in my army-issued duplex with an ugly yard, and I am grateful that in this economy, we are managing to live on one income, and have a roof and four walls. We have maintenance people to fix leaking faucets, non-cooling refrigerators, and broken light fixtures. I have a yard that is a blank slate, just crying out for some TLC - my favorite activity in the Spring. Because I live on post, there is a brand new, state-of-the art gym with a swimming pool, so I can indulge myself with swimming and biking and running and weight training, and maybe get ready to compete in another triathlon. The house I love here STILL hasn't sold, maybe I'll have a chance at it later….

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really happy that my life doesn't always go according to my plan. Remember that Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers"? My dad always hated it, and said the prayers were answered, the answer was just "no". Either way, I know that where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be. Blessings get poured out on us every day; all we have to do is recognize them.

Elinor Schroeder Carrick

I Got the Wrong Dream!

Hi all! I have a strange, slightly intriguing, and vastly amusing to me, sequence of events to tell you all about. This is a bit of a twisty little tale, but follow along and you should be entertained.

This all starts several days ago, not sure exactly how many because I've had this migraine that has been going on and on. And it has been bad enough to really warp my sense of time, along with just about everything else. I had tried taking so many different kinds of medication with no results, exept for maybe things got a bit foggier. Hard to tell, but it was one of the nastier headaches I've had in years.

To me it's kind of fascinating how my brain seems to function so much differently during and after prolonged periods of intense pain. So being the pessimistic optimist that I am, I eventually tried to find the silver lining in this gigantic thunderstorm behind my eyeballs. I found myself examining the people and events going on all around me in a much different way. Through eyes of pain a lot of things don't seem so bad as they do when you feel great physically. I found myself feeling incredibly compassionate towards everyone in general for one; I also found myself feeling extremely emotional about anything I tried to read, watch or listen to. I tried to keep a positive attitude throughout all of this, and it was suprisingly easy. I found myself thinking things that I'd never considered before.


For example, what if this pain was really some sort of spiritual growing pain? Maybe this was some sort of punishment for past wrongs. Or a test to see just how much I could take before I snapped. Perhaps if I endure this all the way through without complaint or any effort to fight it, I will be rewarded with some incredible sort of enlightenment, or a great and powerful universal truth that I could share with those around me and make the world a little better. It was all very surreal and dreamlike. Yet the pain level just continued to increase and shift around in my head, neck, and back. I hadn't really slept for a couple of days during all of this; I tried to but I never quite succeeded. I could get close to sleep, but it was more like a trance of some sort where I just meditated upon relaxing this muscle or that one. Whichever one the pain seemed to be emanating from the most. So I was also sleep deprived at a certain point, which seems to heighten senses in a way, yet also dulls them in another. I'm not even going to try and explain that, this will never end if I try to explain it all. Let's just say all of this pain pushed my awareness into a different sort of gear.

I ended up asking my youngest brother, Eli, to try and find some trigger points that would release some of the pain since he is a massage therapist. He obliged me. And then I felt even more intense pain intermingled with waves of endorphines, over and over. Yet it didn't quite work, the pain just shifted from being just on the right side over to the left. So the pain continued and I just kept trying to endure, but that was getting to be more and more difficult. During all of this Eli and I had a long and in depth conversation that I'm sure all of you have had with someone you know. It's not the subject that matters, but the way you seem to form a deep and synergistic bond with someone. You almost seem to link up, or synchronize in a deep and open manner. Eli and I have had a relationship like this for some time, but it had seemed to fade away recently. So as we were talking very openly and honestly to one another I had an encredibly excruciating wave of blinding pain shoot through my eyeballs. I expressed in frustration that I found it strange that a muscle in my neck could cause so much pain in my eyeball. Eli then said, "Ok I know what to do for you, try to relax your neck and just breathe. This is going to hurt."

He proceeded to move my windpipe to the side, reach behind it, and very vigorously massage a muscle that seemed as tight as a steel cable to me. This wasn't a comfortable sensation to say the least. At one point the muscle slipped out of his incredibly strong grip, like a slippery eel. The pain from that was so intense everything went black for a few seconds. But he continued to brutally squeeze and massage this resistant muscle into submission. When he finished my headache was gone. Now I just felt like I had somehow gone through an intense neck workout and was incredibly sore.

Now this is where it gets really interesting to me, and hopefully to you. After this release, Eli and I seemed to somehow connect on a deeper level than I would have thought possible in those circumstances. The kind of level where you know what a person is going to say before they do. An intense feeling of excitement and expectation started to build between us as we discussed our plans and goals and how we perceived each other and the rest of our siblings. And suddenly something shifted, or clicked. We were very suddenly in a very heightened state of awareness and we both recognized it at once and marveled at this new feeling that really wasn't new, we had just taken it for granted and forgotten how to keep this connection alive. It was as if together we had shifted the gears of our consciousness into a higher plane and we could suddenly see more clearly, and farther. We then agreed to help each other achieve certain goals and support each other like we did once before. At this point I had a very deep feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment, as did Eli. I realized that all of my pain was gone and I was exhausted and content. I knew I would be able to sleep this night very soundly. And I did.

Now this is where it gets really fun. I had a dream that I swear was meant for Michael Bay. The terrible director responsible for garbage like Con Air. He also did the Transformer movies. And this all played into my dream. I had a dream that the former mayor of Denver, Wellington Web, a truly slimy politician, had been arrested in what appeared to be China. He was a drug runner in this Chinese prison and had somehow gotten deeply into debt with some of the gangleaders in this prison. Yet he somehow had information about some money that was being smuggled in on a passenger jet. So Nicholas Cage is the guy who is supposed to set up the crew who will steal this money. (I can't stand Nicholas Cage by the way.) So this crew goes onto this passenger plane to steal the money and there is some sort of crazy cosmic disturbance and it turns out they have got the wrong plane. The plane they are on has no people, no money, and is piloted by a computer and they have no control. Meanwhile, Nicholas Cage gets on another palne which turns out to be the one the money is on, and it's full of passengers. He doesn't realize the big mixup that has happened untill his plane suddenly goes through some kind of portal that was created by the evil Decepticons. So now the plot is revealed that the Decepticons are working with some sort of criminal group towards some sort of insidious end. The plane ends up right here in Denver and good old Nick wants to get out of there quick with the money. Well he happens to meet a very good friend of mine who is also very beautiful, and convinces her to take him somewhere with the money. The Decepticons see them leaving and go on a search and destroy mission. And they aren't taking any prisoners. Now this is where I come into this fantastic mind movie. I'm at a park playing kickball, don't ask me to explain that, and I see Decepticon vehicles using this park as a rally point. They are trashing every Audi TT convertible they find. The car my friend drives. But a couple of Decepticons have had a change of heart after one of the trashed cars turns out to have a mother and her baby in it. They suddenly turn good, and since the Autobots are nowhere to be found I join forces with them and in some very explosive fashion, complete with slow motion sequences and dramatic music, we end up saving the day, averting global disaster, saving the girl, and getting to punch Nicholas Cage right in the face. (My favorite part of the whole thing.) I skipped over a bunch of the details, because they were trivial and just involved a lot of explosions and other such nonsense. But I'm sure you all get the point. I woke up from this dream, with a huge amused smile on my face and an incredibly sore neck. But no headache. I have never had a dream that was really a movie complete with a soundtrack. But I found the entire thing hilarious.

Now to finish things off I have to mention this last little bizarre part of this tale. I was talking to Eli and one of his friends earlier today about out of body experiences,( Another post, for another time) and as I was talking his friend suddenly said,"Dude, you're glowing right now!" I was a bit stunned by this but somehow it seemed to fit. So I asked him to explain. He said,"I don't know it's just like I can see an aura around you and it's green! Woah!" I found this comment strangely pleasing as green is my favorite color. Then the conversation came to an end since Eli had to go to work.

That's it. Nothing more to the story. I don't even know why all this happened in the way it did. I know that it all somehow fits together, and that it's probably all very strange and random to most of you. But this is my life folks. True story! I hope you were entertained, and even though your probably shaking your head right now I truly hope it's with a smile on your face! I have one on mine. :)

Maniacal March

You may think I'm slacking, but in actuality, the delay was premeditated. I am simply observing March's first weekly holiday - “National Procrastination Week.”

Weekly
National Procrastination Week: 1-7
YoYo and Skill Toys Week: 1-7
National Sleep Awareness Week: 8-12
Act Happy Week: 15-21
International Brain Awareness Week: 15-21
Wellderly Week: 15-21
American Chocolate Week: 15-21 (Always 3rd Week)
National Bubble (blowers) Week: 19-27
National Cleaning Week: 28-4/3

Daily
I Want You To Be Happy Day: 3
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day: 3
March Forth-Do Something Day: 4
Get Over It Day: 9
Organize Your Home Office Day: 9
Panic Day: 9
International Day of Awesomeness: 10
Dream 2010 Day: 11
World Kidney Day: 11
Genealogy Day: 13
Good Samaritan Involvement Day: 13
National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day: 13
Napping Day (Monday after daylight savings time): 15
True Confessions Day: 15
St. Urho's Day (patron saint of the grasshoppers): 16
Wellderly Day (well-elderly): 16
St. Patrick's Day: 17
Awkward Moments Day: 18
Great American Meat Out Day: 20
National Jump Out! Day: 20 (as in the rope.. not the closet)
National Quilting Day: 20
Snowman Burning Day: 20
Won't You Be My Neighbor Day: 20
Memory Day: 21
As Young As You Feel Day: 22
International Goof-off Day: 22
Letting Go of Stuff Day: 25
Make Up Your Own Holiday Day: 26
Weed Appreciation Day: 28
Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day: 30
National "She's Funny That Way" Day: 31


March holds endless days to celebrate! Between the week-long celebrations of sleep and procrastination and chocolate... and the daily festivities of confessions (and memory) and awesomeness, this is definitely a month of complete fabulousness!!! Why have I never heard of these holidays before? Ahhh, "mad as a March hare" suddenly has more meaning. I could use some happy, bubble-blowing, awkward moments.
XOX
Alice

Teri's Rebuttal to "Guys' Rules"

Many years ago I received an email called “Guys’ Rules” and I rebutted it, and sent it out. I think this rebuttal still applies. This would be funny, except I'm too old for the Guy Headgames. The kind of man who would find these 'rules' acceptable wouldn't appeal to me much. There are a few funny ones, though. But since I'm the one rebutting this, you are certainly entitled to my opinion! (Oh, and the rebuttals are done in 'cranberry').

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Rebuttal: OK - this definitely rates an "oh, wah!" Not only should a male be able to put down the toilet seat AND the lid, he should be able to clean the toilet!

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Rebuttal: Fine, I understand this. And Saturday is bubblebath, lunch with the girls, pamper myself day. Deal with it.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Rebuttal: Correct. It isn't a sport. Quite frankly, I don't care if I shop with a man. I don't always like shopping anyway, with a man or one of the girls, or even by myself. However, if you don't like what I buy after I've been shopping, this is another "oh wah!"

1. Crying is blackmail.
Rebuttal: Only a terribly insensitive and insecure person would think this way.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Rebuttal: I like this one. I think it means that if we're very specific in stating what we want, we'll get it.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Rebuttal: Hmmm. Not totally correct. However, if I'm asked a question, "because" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Rebuttal: Does this mean men know all the answers? This one sounds (again...still?) unbelievably arrogant!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Rebuttal: Well, duh! But perhaps this falls under that 'ask for what you want' category. Something like "I don't want you,” or, “I'm not in the mood,” or, “You're really a jerk sometimes, go away,” or, “You need to learn some basic lovemaking skills.” OK, all you girls get the idea.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
Rebuttal: Ooh, I don't think so! For some comments you'd better be apologizing if said comments are ever to be forgiven, let alone become null and void!

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Rebuttal: Know what? I've never had a man in my life who acted like a soap opera guy! Oh, sure, a couple who thought they could...or did...but minus the careful grooming, the perfectly chiseled face, the perfect clothes, and the perfectly created dialog.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Rebuttal: ….

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Rebuttal: OK, I admit it. This one is funny.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Rebuttal: Sheesh! This sounds like one of my sons in a petulant, testosterone-poisoned stage.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Rebuttal: Do you think a man with this attitude would even hear it if you said (during a commercial of course), “Oh, by the way, I'm leaving you.” Nah, probably not.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
Rebuttal: OK, this one is funny too. Considering that Christopher ended up thousands of miles from where he thought he was going.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Rebuttal: Extremely funny. I knew a fellow who helped do the ads for the men's department in a large store. They frequently advertised "pewter" and "pine" as colors, especially for phone orders, because they thought that if they ran out of one color, they could send just about anything, because no one knew what pewter or pine was.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Rebuttal: Yup!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Rebuttal: Fair enough. Again, this falls under the "ask for what you want category". So if a man asks what is wrong, tell him. He can deal with it.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Rebuttal: Why would we ask a question to which we don't want an answer?

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.
Rebuttal: Oh, sure, I've heard this one before!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Rebuttal: No, really, I do expect men to be able to discuss more than this!

1. You have enough clothes.
Rebuttal: Hilarious! Especially since one of my closet poles fell down today!

1. You have too many shoes.
Rebuttal: No, I do not.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Rebuttal: Yes, this one is funny.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Rebuttal: Ok, this is definitely the best!

From Teri G. Mecham (kinship not stated to protect the innocent).

The editors do not necessarily agree with the statements in this post (except the one about the clothes and the one about the shoes).

Irony and the creepy little man with the suspenders

I had a fun little moment the other night and just had to share it with you all. As some of you know I'm a huge fan of pho. For those who don't know what this is, it's a Vietnamese noodle soup. I say it's instant enlightenment in a bowl, or a bit of heaven in a bowl. I've also heard it refered to as Vietnamese soul food. Anyway I have shared the joy of this simple, but very tasty pleasure with many of my family and friends. I have a favorite restaraunt but it's pretty far away. But fortunately a new one just opened up close by, so I had to try it out and talked my mom into going. (Teri, or the kooky one as I so lovingly refer to her as.) As we sat there waiting for our food we watched the televisions around us. One was showing the olympics, another was showing Larry King. He kind of makes me squeamish for some reason. So the Larry king topic was about people who married someone in prison, even though they would never be released. What I got from it was that these were all murderers of one type or another. One of the guests was a man married to one of the Manson followers, I can't remember her name but she passed away fairly recently. I didn't really pay close attention since I was more interested in bobsledding, and because I didn't want to spoil my appetite by looking at Larry King. So I happen to look up as they are talking about a group of people who dismembered someone, cut out their heart, and all kissed the heart. I'm kind of transfixed for a minute by this, and I was rewarded when he said they were going to talk to some woman about her behind bars husband and went straight to commercial. The first commercial to come on, and the only one that really mattered in my mind, was an add for Eharmony, the matchmaking website. I couldn't help but chuckle about this as did my mother. I still smile just thinking about it. I hope it puts a little smile on your face as well.

Computer Easy

My sister, Victoria, and I were emailing each other about something I wrote that she wants posted on this friendly family blog. I can’t post myself because I have an email address that for some reason is ‘rejected’ by any of the blogs. I have tried to ‘join’ (is that what it’s called?) and have instructions on how to set up a gmail or something account, but it makes no sense at all to me. I am hoping that my grandson Kam will be available soon to assist. So, Victoria said she is happy to place my post for me, but insisted that setting up the gmail account is ‘easy.’

Easy, huh? Painting a house is easy, drywalling and framing and such are do-able, changing a tire can be done with reasonable effort; making bread is easy, or making cookies. Loading the dishwasher is a snap; sewing used to be awful but is now relatively simple, even if I'm making my own pattern (like for a slipcover). Building a new closet is easy. Growing a veggie garden is easy, as well as a lot of fun. Roofing a house is not easy, nor is it fun. Glazing windows, ugh! About in the same category as computers. The language I use is about the same, anyway. These are all things I have done. But computers – such a mystery.

Actually, my computer should be in the garage (if I had a garage) because I tend to use a lot of 'garage language' when I'm attempting to learn something new on the computer. I remember the very first time I tried using a computer - I just needed to write something quick. This was, of course, many years ago - in the still-married years. So I called BS (the appropriate initials of my former spouse) at work and asked him what to do. He said, “First, turn on the computer”. OK, I've had TV and radios and stereos, etc for decades! They all still have buttons or knobs that say "on" or "power". Does the computer? Noooo! So I keep looking for something that tells me where to turn the damn thing on. BS, being the wonderful person that he isn't, just laughs and laughs. I finally found out how to turn it on, and felt very accomplished! Eventually when I got my 'new' computer, (which is now 7 years old,) I signed up for internet service. Couldn't get anything to work. Called Qwest, went through about 10 minutes of 'voice prompts' (technology's way of saying FU to all of us peons) before I finally got a warm body. Of course, by this time I am beyond frustrated, I am hysterical. A pleasant-sounding young man asks what sort of help I need. I'm nearly crying by now, and I literally SCREAMED at him "I just want to be able to use the 'Fnklrgbldy’ internet!" Of course, I then felt absolutely mortified, apologized, and told him just to cancel the damn internet. He tried to convince me that we could get things working properly, but I told him no thanks, I don't normally use that kind of language (or I didn't then, anyway) and that if this internet stuff was going to make that language become a habit, I'd best just not bother. If I wanted that kind of frustration I could try taking up bowling again, as no one would even notice that language in a bowling alley! And so, I cancelled and went without internet for another couple of years. Yup, I've made a whole bunch of progress since then! T.
from Teri G. Mecham, mother of Jon Schroeder and Jen Schroeder Martinez

Celebrate February - Last 3 Days

Last 3 days of February:

February 26th
For Pete's Sake Day
National Pistachio Day


February 27th
No Brainer Day - are we supposed to know how to celebrate this?
Open That Bottle Night
Polar Bear Day

February 28th
Public Sleeping Day - Is this the result of last nights holiday celebrations? I trust that everyone will participate in the festivities of this important holiday. But not while driving.

March holidays will be listed -in their entirety- in one post. With any luck, I'll get it done BEFORE the month starts, but come hell or high water, I promise to have it done before it ends.

Alice Pedersen Haddadin

I'm back

It's been a while since I've posted anything, so I just figured it was about time to do so again. I have been busy from time to time so I couldn't share my wonderful insights when I wanted to. So this might be a bit long and strange, but it could be entertaining, possibly enlightening, or it will just be a bunch of rambling that means nothing. Read on and you be the judge.

I found myself feeling very strange earlier this week. I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly, and I really had to stop everything I was doing and examine what it could be. It wasn't the flu, I had just gotten over that. I thought maybe it was my diet, but that is an area I really do pretty well in. So I just went about my business as usual, (or unusual as it goes with me) which at the time was meeting with several people at different times to try and coordinate and plan the party of the year, the third annual Mustache March Gala. (More about this party in another post.) And this feeling wouldn't go away. I went on about my day, did a little heavy reading, and went to bed. The following day, shortly after waking up I still felt the strange feeling but kept going about my business figuring it would come to me when the time was right. Well that time was right around noon after I'd had a strange conversation with a good friend about life in general. I suddenly realized that what I was feeling was humility. I expressed this to some people and got a variety of funny responses and one serious one. The response I got most was people asking if it had to do with a woman. I smiled and responded, no. But this was a very foreign feeling to me, much like an altered state. I'm not a humble man as a general rule. I'm pompous, arrogant, and cocky. As many who know me well have stated, I'm egomaniacal, and I'm ok with it. But this feeling humble thing was also strangely pleasant, so I decided to just roll with it. It truly did feel like an altered state, a bit like one feels when they are a little tipsy combined with an almost psychedelic feeling of wonderment and awe about the entire world. Yet I still had my full mental capacities intact, and at my disposal. It was just the absence of ego for a prolonged period of time wasn't a feeling I was familiar with. It has now been 4 days and this feeling of humility is still with me. Though it has waxed and waned a bit, it has for the most part remained intact. And I've decided I like it. I find I have a much easier time remaining calm and centered. Everything seems to flow a bit smoother in this state of mind, though problems still arise. The problems don't ruin my day, or cause me to stress if I remember this feeling and embrace it. As to why this feeling came about, I'm not exactly sure. My only guess is that my past came to pay a visit during the party planning. I will try to explain.

My past is pretty to colorful, to put it mildly, and I really don't think this is the forum to air it in. Let's just say that if you made a movie of my life up till now it would be rated NC-17 at least. I have realized this for some time and decide about 2 years ago that I wanted a different rating for my life. So I have taken many steps to try and accomplish this goal, and it hasn't been easy. The world I was a part of doesn't like to let go of people like me very easily. And I have run back into the people who are part of this many times, and they are always greeting me with open arms and ready to roll out the red carpet and throw a parade if I say the words, I'm back. And to be truthful, I've been tempted to do just that many times. I even thought I could come back to it for just 2 months and get right back out. That 2 months ended in disaster and I was lucky to walk away alive. So while planning this party I've run into some of the same crowd I used to run with and they have taken an interest of sorts in the mustache gala. They are opportunists and I have always been good at creating opportunities of a certain type. I have realized this and have resisted for a long time, but if you walk along a cliff edge long enough you will fall off. I'm very aware of this and just hadn't been able to quite figure out a way to put it all to rest. Then I felt that feeling of humility I spoke of earlier and I have been examining why I suddenly feel it now and to what end? I have come up with an answer, and it is a very simple one. Because I was ready for it. My ego served me very well in the past, but now it's time for something else. Something better. And I have found just the tool I need, or it found me. Either way I will use this new found humility to move forward and cope with life in a different way. My purpose has changed so I need different tools to achieve the end I've set my heart on. I will not say what that is right here and now because I follow a philosophy of never revealing your full or true intent to others until you are sure of accomplishing it.

So even at this moment as I sit here and reflect back, I realize my ego is very much alive but it has taken a back seat and this feeling of calm certainty has the reigns now. I know the world I was once a part of will keep trying to get me back, but I won't give in to the pull or desire to go back. To many it will seem that I'm giving up everything, and in a sense they are correct. But everything I'm giving up is to make way for something much better and long lasting. And I will have no regrets about this. I will miss some of the people that I've come to love, but what I realize is that I can love them still even if I never see them again. Love in that world is conditional quite often, and I've felt the difference many times. Basically it boils down to this. Do you choose life or death? I chose the culture of death for a very long time and enticed many who would have otherwise chosen differently into this world. Now I choose life. This is a new path for me so I can't tell you much about the journey so far, but I'm sure I'll tell you all about it along the way. And I'm pretty sure my ego is still going to put it's two cents in as well.