My niece Barb sent me an email a few days ago that was pretty funny – one I hadn’t seen before. It was entitled “Adult Directions.” One of the comments was about the getting-dirty-rate of clothing. It said that your underwear gets dirty pretty rapidly, and your shirt, but that your pants don’t, you could wear and wear and wear them. (Paraphrased). It was a comment that kept coming back to the analytical, over-serious side of my brain. How come the author of the email has this experience? I kept thinking about how easily my pants get dirty.
I sit in things. I spill things. I work and use my legs to carry giant potted plants full of dirt and plants and I get dirty. I kneel in the garden or to scrub the floor. I spill more things, usually eating while reading or driving. (Yes, I’m guilty of this most heinous multi-tasking behavior). Then I thought of when babies (my own when they were little, my grandbabies now) sit on my lap and wet through their diaper or through their training pants. That is a definite change ‘em quick! Then I thought of when one laughs so hard and wets her pants. I say ‘her’ because I have never ever heard of this happening to a guy, at least a youthful guy. (Not talkin' about babies here). But it happens to girls of all ages, so they say. I kind of disbelieved this – I use the phrase myself, from time to time, for description and in an effort to appear humorous, but I have never actually had it happen to me. I thought if it happened to anyone, it would be an octogenarian of either gender. (Not all elder seniors have this happen – my 94-year-old mother has never had it happen. Proof of the necessity for and power of kegels, or promotion for twice-weekly aerobics until you are 89).
Yeah, I didn’t really think it happened. But I have learned recently that it does happen to some girls I know. I don’t know why – but some people have it happen when they laugh so hard they – you know what I was going to say next, don’t you. Yeah. I wonder how that happens. Maybe a different musculature makes some people’s muscles release upon laughing hard. Or maybe, again, it’s a multi-tasking issue and they can’t laugh hard and maintain control of all body areas at the same time. Dunno. A mystery, for sure.
So, I guess I still have to disagree with that area of the funny email. Maybe the author of the email isn't active and just mostly sits (and doesn’t eat at the same time). Or maybe they are just more careful or less sloppy. Or maybe they don’t know her/his pants are dirty.
Here is the funny message, in it’s entirety:
I sit in things. I spill things. I work and use my legs to carry giant potted plants full of dirt and plants and I get dirty. I kneel in the garden or to scrub the floor. I spill more things, usually eating while reading or driving. (Yes, I’m guilty of this most heinous multi-tasking behavior). Then I thought of when babies (my own when they were little, my grandbabies now) sit on my lap and wet through their diaper or through their training pants. That is a definite change ‘em quick! Then I thought of when one laughs so hard and wets her pants. I say ‘her’ because I have never ever heard of this happening to a guy, at least a youthful guy. (Not talkin' about babies here). But it happens to girls of all ages, so they say. I kind of disbelieved this – I use the phrase myself, from time to time, for description and in an effort to appear humorous, but I have never actually had it happen to me. I thought if it happened to anyone, it would be an octogenarian of either gender. (Not all elder seniors have this happen – my 94-year-old mother has never had it happen. Proof of the necessity for and power of kegels, or promotion for twice-weekly aerobics until you are 89).
Yeah, I didn’t really think it happened. But I have learned recently that it does happen to some girls I know. I don’t know why – but some people have it happen when they laugh so hard they – you know what I was going to say next, don’t you. Yeah. I wonder how that happens. Maybe a different musculature makes some people’s muscles release upon laughing hard. Or maybe, again, it’s a multi-tasking issue and they can’t laugh hard and maintain control of all body areas at the same time. Dunno. A mystery, for sure.
So, I guess I still have to disagree with that area of the funny email. Maybe the author of the email isn't active and just mostly sits (and doesn’t eat at the same time). Or maybe they are just more careful or less sloppy. Or maybe they don’t know her/his pants are dirty.
Here is the funny message, in it’s entirety:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that
their brain is also important.
Author Unknown
Love you all. Victoria J Mecham
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