Naughty or Nice? Nooooo, just plain crazy

I'm sitting here stuffed to the gills from a very delicious Christmas Eve dinner. This dinner seems to have slowed down my brain functions. But I'm going to force the gears to crank out some more of my humble perspective on life despite the fact that I keep burping and it tastes like banana cream pie, string bean casserole, turkey, smoked ham, and many other delicious items. At least they were when I first ate them. Now that I'm tasting them all at once, not so good. So as I sit at the computer in this bloated state, I'm facing a dilemma. Is this post going to be naughty? Because it's in my nature to be so. Or will be nice? Also something that's in my nature. It's true, really it is! Just ask me, don't listen to my brothers and sisters. They're all just jealous. I'm tempted to go with nice because it is Christmas Eve, but I feel a little mischievous at the same time. So I'm going to try for a happy medium. I'm new at this compromise thing so tell me how I do at it.

I caught a bit of flak for my recent comments about the twilight series, so I will first try to apply what I've learned since then from some of my dearly loved, and informative as well as intelligent, female cousins. First of all, I now know that these books were essentially romance novels. I feel like I was duped due to the fact that not one of the books had Fabio on the cover! Apparently the main vampire character (edward for those who don't know) is a very attentive and romantic guy. Despite the fact that his skin feels like cold marble. I'm still not sure how that makes him romantic but I'm going to keep trying to understand, so have a little patience with me. I also had a few other misconceptions. Him staring at her literally ALL night long was very sweet, not kind of crazy, obsessive and stalker like as I had originally thought. His domineering and controlling nature is just an expression of how she means the world to him. As he should since he is her entire world.

And on that note this entire post just took a turn into...The Twilight Zone! I was literally typing the word domineering when I start to hear a man and woman arguing loudly outside. I ignore it and finished the paragraph and the arguing gets louder. I can make out swearing and accusations that don't bear repeating here. I open the door to look and see a young man walking up the street angrily. His hysterical girlfriend is driving next to him and alternating between yelling at him and pleading with him about something I couldn't quite make out. She wants him to get in the car he won't, it's freezing rain and sleet coming down and a pretty brisk wind. So I instantly think to myself, Wow! That's pretty manipulative of him, he's playing the suffering martyr. She's so bad that he would rather be out in this weather getting soaked and cold, than to be in her company in the warm dry car. This in turn makes her feel horrible since I hear her scream out, "Why are you doing this? You mean everything to me!" Of course she she says this after he walks up to the car and grabs her hair and slams her head into the steering wheel a few times. He then takes off up the street again at an almost jog. She continues to drive next to him and they keep yelling back and forth and are quickly lost to my sight. I call the police and report what I saw, but I have very little information to give them since I couldn't make out faces or a plate number. So I doubt anything will happen to him because of this except she will feel even lower and will probably accept any thing this guy wants to do just to keep him near, he does mean everything after all. I'm not making this up, it really happened right before my eyes. And I am more convinced than ever that some of the things I said about those books are true. All joking and sarcasm aside, this is truly what I think will be the outcome of many girls reading those books. What I saw tonight. I will try to explain why, and I ask those of you who love and like those books to please try to keep an open mind on this one. As this is not an attack on you or what you think, this is just what I've observed in living a life in the fringe elements of society as well as within the mainstream.

Women want a man who is completely devoted to them, like my cousins said. And in turn because so many want this they will make the man they are with the center of their world. They also do this when there are red flags all over the place. (In the books he thinks she is the most delicious human he's ever smelled, and let's not forget that he's feasted on human flesh before. And animals never quite satisfy the hunger like a human does.) The female character gets so hurt when he leaves her that she starts hearing audio hallucinations of his voice when she is in danger. So she continues to put herself in danger just to hear this disembodied voice. That is how completely dependent on him she has become, or should I say co-dependent. Yes I should, as this is exactly what it is. Just like the girl I saw tonight. She could have driven away to safety any time she wanted, but she kept right along side him, right after he slammed her head repeatedly into her own car! The girl in the book has everything turn out happily ever after. Sadly this is quite often not the case. Edward resembles a recovering alcoholic, or drug addict to me, and many women fall for this type. The edgy guy, the brooding type, the strong and silent type, the bad boy with a heart of gold, the moody artist battling inner demons. He epitomizes those types perfectly, even to the point of wanting to kill himself when he thinks he has lost her for good. That happens in real life too, with these types of men. For example a man with the obsessive qualities or traits that edward has, will fall apart and lose it if they are this co-dependent and obsessed about a girl. Then a couple of things are likely to happen, he just might kill or hurt himself just to hurt her, or he just might hurt or kill her out of rage for hurting him. The books are fantasy, the characters are deeply flawed and dangerously dependent on one another. In the fantasy world they have a happy ending, in the real world people like this usually have a tragic ending. I have witnessed it first hand several times, as I'm sure many of you have. Some of you might have even experienced this type of situation yourselves and know exactly what I'm talking about.

To be frank, I'm pretty dismayed by tonight. This post was going to be light and funny. I was going to talk about fond Christmas memories that would give people a chance to laugh at me. I had the intention of leaving people with a feeling of good cheer and mirth after they read what I had to say. Sure I was going to poke a bit of fun at some of you , but that would have been a loving invitation to poke right back. But that's not going to happen, instead I'm going to be spending the rest of the night pondering what I saw, and why I saw it at that exact moment. I love Christmas, it's my favorite holiday and I get in the spirit of giving every year. Since it is Christmas I'm still going to try to rekindle the warm feeling of sharing and love I've been feeling this entire week. And maybe I can do that here.

I know this season is all about giving, (or at least it's supposed to be) peace and love for all mankind etc. And I want to share what I've observed all week. The times are hard, everyone seems stressed out and money is tight. And yet so many are still cheery and full of love and joy. Still many are not, they are overwhelmed. They seem downtrodden and hopeless. As I wandered through various shopping places, I noticed one common thread among all the unhappy people. This is supposed to be a season centered around giving, but so many are concentrating on getting. It's supposed to be about ALL of us yet I see a lot of people making it all about ME. This is sad and unfortunate, yet I still see those bright and shining faces poking out in the otherwise dreary masses that are just trudging through the Holiday season like it's a dirty chore they've resigned themselves to. Those smiling faces give me hope and make me smile back. So I guess I will just hold those people in my thoughts and hope that maybe that young man and his girlfriend will be affected the same way I am by one of those smiling faces with the twinkling eyes.

So when you find you are getting frustrated or feeling a little down because of the Holiday mayhem, be the bigger person. Smile at a Scrooge, or wish a Merry Christmas to a Bah-Humbugger. Just be kind to the nastiest people you meet, you never know who's spirit you might lift. Besides, it drives them crazy when your genuinely kind in response to their nastiness. It dumbfounds and makes them feel chagrined. I personally love killing them with kindness. But I've got to get to bed so Santa can come by, I think I've finally been good enough not to end up with coal this year.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
Jonathan Schroeder