Resolutions? Pthhhbbbt!

I would like to wish all a happy and successful New Year. Mine has been, so far . . . now I just have to make it through the next 364 days.

This time I have several unrelated topics, so we will be jumping around a bit. My first subject is about those of you who don't contribute, or at least haven't yet. I'm naming names like Gayle, why don't we see any of your humor on these postings? And moving right on down the line, what's up Hil? Lindi? Ditto. I know you can tell a good story, so tell some. Why don't I see any postings from Leslie, Nancy, or most of the other sisters? (Mom??!!!) Then we have the cousins, or rather the lack of cousins. Mikey, I was sure I would have seen some of your brilliance grace this humble little site. You are always so eager to share the knowledge you've gained, and this is the perfect forum and audience to do so. I would personally like to hear stories and comments from Troy, David, and Hans. The reason being I have many fun memories of mischief-making with you three, and know you all have wit and intelligence. I could keep naming people but this would just go on and on and on.... So I'm calling you all out, say something every once in a while. If I didn't mention your name and it upsets you, post something about it. If I did mention your name, post something! If people don't start getting more involved I'm going to become the TMZ of the family blog. This means I'll start digging for those fun yet embarrassing stories, and if I can't find any I'll just make them up! Oh, heck, even if you have already posted, I may find some fun yet embarrassing stories!!! None of you are safe.

Next I would like to tell you about my New Year's Eve experience. It was a full moon, a blue moon in fact. And the end of a decade, so I expected things to get crazy. I went to a twenties and thirties themed party. It was great to see people dressed up for this event, and the costumes were great. Everyone really looked the part. It was a very energetic crowd, yet I didn't see any of the craziness I associate with a full moon. Sure you had the usual stuff that comes with booze and a party, but not that extra little kick of people being just a bit insane. I wondered if this was a sign of what this new year is going to be like for me. Though a calmer year would be welcome I would kind of miss living in the Twilight Zone, since I am never bored or lacking entertainment when the world around me goes mad. Although it would be welcome, as the drama involved get's to be a bit much at times. And speaking of drama I'm launching into my first controversial topic of the year.

I have been talking to a lot of women lately about a particular subject, and have begun to formulate a rather unpopular, yet logical theory. Simply put, women aren't romantic. I will try to explain. Women desire romance, some might even say they need it but they aren't inherently romantic by themselves. Women need guides or manuals for this. So they read romance novels, watch "chick flicks", subscribe to Cosmo, and listen to really bad music about this subject. You see, friends, the evidence is abundantly clear if we look at nature. In most species the male is much more colorful than his female counterpart. They have brighter plumage, weird appendages, or strange colored sacks of skin around their necks. For what purpose? To put on displays that will appeal to a potential mate.

The female might make mating calls, and play a coquettish little game, but this is all to get the male to put on the best display possible, to prove to her why she should accept him. We as a species are no different really; the process is just more involved and complicated. Women are designed to crave romance in part because they aren't this way by themselves. They are told what's romantic and how to be so. Men have the creativity within to come up with original ways to be romantic (unless they are lazy) and we utilize them all the time. The more a man gets to know a woman the more he is able to tug at her heart strings via romance. We men think you women are worth it too; this is apparent by the extravagant lengths we go to for you fussy little hens. And as a man I will also tell you this takes A LOT of energy! Women will try to be romantic simply because they need it reciprocated to them. But they get all of their ideas from outside sources, like sappy late night radio djs, or maybe the Tyra Banks show, perhaps a friend told them about something they heard from their local knitting circle.

The point is that women need it. This is the display they require to accept a potential mate. So as men, we are genetically inclined to fulfill this obligation because we want a mate(s) also. Therefore, we are given the ability to be romantic and spontaneous much more so than women. I'm sure many of you don't agree because you think that you are romantic. You're not. You want romance, so you seek it out and confuse this with the ability to be so. We men don't really seek it, because it comes to us naturally. I think I have done my work here, and hopefully given you all something to ponder. And if any of you women out there have questions about how you can be more romantic, feel free to ask. (Guys you really don't need any help.) I would gladly apply my expertise to your problems!

I truly wish you all a happy and romance filled new year.
Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood Cupid,
Jonathan.