Computer Easy

My sister, Victoria, and I were emailing each other about something I wrote that she wants posted on this friendly family blog. I can’t post myself because I have an email address that for some reason is ‘rejected’ by any of the blogs. I have tried to ‘join’ (is that what it’s called?) and have instructions on how to set up a gmail or something account, but it makes no sense at all to me. I am hoping that my grandson Kam will be available soon to assist. So, Victoria said she is happy to place my post for me, but insisted that setting up the gmail account is ‘easy.’

Easy, huh? Painting a house is easy, drywalling and framing and such are do-able, changing a tire can be done with reasonable effort; making bread is easy, or making cookies. Loading the dishwasher is a snap; sewing used to be awful but is now relatively simple, even if I'm making my own pattern (like for a slipcover). Building a new closet is easy. Growing a veggie garden is easy, as well as a lot of fun. Roofing a house is not easy, nor is it fun. Glazing windows, ugh! About in the same category as computers. The language I use is about the same, anyway. These are all things I have done. But computers – such a mystery.

Actually, my computer should be in the garage (if I had a garage) because I tend to use a lot of 'garage language' when I'm attempting to learn something new on the computer. I remember the very first time I tried using a computer - I just needed to write something quick. This was, of course, many years ago - in the still-married years. So I called BS (the appropriate initials of my former spouse) at work and asked him what to do. He said, “First, turn on the computer”. OK, I've had TV and radios and stereos, etc for decades! They all still have buttons or knobs that say "on" or "power". Does the computer? Noooo! So I keep looking for something that tells me where to turn the damn thing on. BS, being the wonderful person that he isn't, just laughs and laughs. I finally found out how to turn it on, and felt very accomplished! Eventually when I got my 'new' computer, (which is now 7 years old,) I signed up for internet service. Couldn't get anything to work. Called Qwest, went through about 10 minutes of 'voice prompts' (technology's way of saying FU to all of us peons) before I finally got a warm body. Of course, by this time I am beyond frustrated, I am hysterical. A pleasant-sounding young man asks what sort of help I need. I'm nearly crying by now, and I literally SCREAMED at him "I just want to be able to use the 'Fnklrgbldy’ internet!" Of course, I then felt absolutely mortified, apologized, and told him just to cancel the damn internet. He tried to convince me that we could get things working properly, but I told him no thanks, I don't normally use that kind of language (or I didn't then, anyway) and that if this internet stuff was going to make that language become a habit, I'd best just not bother. If I wanted that kind of frustration I could try taking up bowling again, as no one would even notice that language in a bowling alley! And so, I cancelled and went without internet for another couple of years. Yup, I've made a whole bunch of progress since then! T.
from Teri G. Mecham, mother of Jon Schroeder and Jen Schroeder Martinez